The Most Fucked Up Day Of The Week Goes To...
I feel the need to take pen to paper right now. Today has been a dreadfully challenging day. God. How I wish I'm the type that shouts my woes to the skies. How I wish, at this moment, I can converse about all the things that are running through my head with someone. To make things worse, I had another dream about him in the evening. Fuck.
I am declaring this day the most fucked up day of this week for me. Ha ha. I've not been feeling quite well for the past 2 days and as I suspected, my blood pressure dropped again. I couldn't go running because every time I stand up, I feel like fainting. I can't really eat because I'm nauseous as fuck. The doctor took my blood just now to run some tests so I'm hoping it'll come back alright.
Today made me think of those people who are sick or bedridden for a long period, like my grandmothers. It makes me feel even more sorry for what they had to go through. This, in turn, makes me think about how much I'm taking my health for granted. Exercising is of no use if you don't eat on time or you don't get enough sleep or you don't take care of your diet.
Anyway, the cherry on the icing to make my day even worse today is my dream. I wish I wasn't so helpless when it comes to the places my mind goes to when I sleep. I really don't understand it. How can a person dream of the same person over and over again in the span of a few short days? I wonder. I don't believe in dreams as being a medium for omens though. Today's dream was just particularly disturbing; I was with a guy friend somewhere and he came at me, and he was angry and the next thing I know I was angry too and I started crying in the dream I guess because that's how I woke up. The only thing I could think of right after I woke up from that dream was why did he let me go? Did he really use me as a distraction to his own loneliness? Was I just a tool? I know it's probably rubbish and I'm overthinking again but I can't help it sometimes. Not when this happens. You idiot, Shaza. Sometimes I wish I could do an 'Eternal Sunshine Of a Spotless Mind' memory-erase on myself.
I'm going to stop here. Unfortunately, the chills are coming back. Goodnight.
Still the most stubborn woman who's not having a good day today,
SFK
P.S. I'm hoping to have a dreamless sleep tonight. Too much drama in a day already.
I am declaring this day the most fucked up day of this week for me. Ha ha. I've not been feeling quite well for the past 2 days and as I suspected, my blood pressure dropped again. I couldn't go running because every time I stand up, I feel like fainting. I can't really eat because I'm nauseous as fuck. The doctor took my blood just now to run some tests so I'm hoping it'll come back alright.
Today made me think of those people who are sick or bedridden for a long period, like my grandmothers. It makes me feel even more sorry for what they had to go through. This, in turn, makes me think about how much I'm taking my health for granted. Exercising is of no use if you don't eat on time or you don't get enough sleep or you don't take care of your diet.
Anyway, the cherry on the icing to make my day even worse today is my dream. I wish I wasn't so helpless when it comes to the places my mind goes to when I sleep. I really don't understand it. How can a person dream of the same person over and over again in the span of a few short days? I wonder. I don't believe in dreams as being a medium for omens though. Today's dream was just particularly disturbing; I was with a guy friend somewhere and he came at me, and he was angry and the next thing I know I was angry too and I started crying in the dream I guess because that's how I woke up. The only thing I could think of right after I woke up from that dream was why did he let me go? Did he really use me as a distraction to his own loneliness? Was I just a tool? I know it's probably rubbish and I'm overthinking again but I can't help it sometimes. Not when this happens. You idiot, Shaza. Sometimes I wish I could do an 'Eternal Sunshine Of a Spotless Mind' memory-erase on myself.
I'm going to stop here. Unfortunately, the chills are coming back. Goodnight.
Still the most stubborn woman who's not having a good day today,
SFK
P.S. I'm hoping to have a dreamless sleep tonight. Too much drama in a day already.
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| I just had to didn't I? (Picture credits: Google) |
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