Forevermore : Of Soul-friends & Soulmates

There are friends you hang out with and then there are soul-friends who you love, who feed your soul, who are with you because they just are. I'm lucky enough to have a few such friends. Friends whom I've known from a very young age and whom I've acquired over the years of my adult life. Today is about one such friend.

When we first met, I didn't like him right away. I thought he was some close-minded and judgemental prick who runs his mouth as and when he likes. That was until I accidentally hung out with him one fine day. I say accidentally because we just happened to be at the same place at the same time. We were both very quiet at first not because we're shy but because we thought we didn't have much in common. That was until he suddenly asked me a question about something I often do (yes, he has a reputation for being very direct). I was intrigued because I thought it was a very good question.

Ever since that day, we became close friends and we still are. It's not too much if I say that we understand each other so well that even when we don't speak, we more or less can feel if something was bothering the other. 

He has days when he withdraws into his man-cave and I have my days when I don't feel like speaking to anyone but we usually find each other back to update on ourselves. There was once when we didn't speak to one another for a month or so, and one morning while I was scrolling through my Tumblr feed, I saw Vincent Van Gogh's Starry Night painting and thought of him (we both share a liking for Vincent Van Gogh), and that afternoon BAM! he sent me a picture of the exact painting and I know he was reminded of me too when he saw it. I guess that's how the Universe works. Call it the power of attraction, whatever.

Anyway, recently, I had a very interesting conversation with him about soul-mates. It was early in the morning when he suddenly texted me and told me that he's feeling very happy, happier than he has been for a very long time. He used the word 'ultimatum of happiness' and asked me whether there's even such a word to describe how happy he's feeling. Of course, there is, I told him. The word basically means forevermore. You can Google that. 

I asked him why he is suddenly feeling like this, and he told me about his high-school best friend whom he used to fancy. Over the years, he has spoken about her to me but because he hasn't seen her for such a long time, the stuff that he spoke about mostly revolves around how she's doing. I've never met this girl but I'm pretty sure she's an interesting character.

He told me that she came back from overseas and spent time with him that night just driving around town and that simple act made him very happy indeed. He told me he loves her and would do anything to make her happy but it's not the kind of love that I think it is (the man is complicated I know).

I asked him what love is it then? And he responded with 'the kind you get when you combine all the different kinds of love. Family, close friend, soulmate and whatever love there is out there.'

It was so beautiful the way he phrased it and I know he means it. My friend is a very unemotional person. A Virgo like me, hence the reason why I understand him so well and him I. So I took my time to think about what he said and all that I know of him and gave my 2 cents. Here's what I told him in verbatim.

'Last night I was thinking about what u said about ur best friend.. so...  here’s a piece of advice if u want it.. it comes from my own experience of love. See.. love is many things. It’s not just attraction because beauty will go away in a few years. Everyone gets bored of one another. But if u believe that u see a soulmate in ur best friend, then I think u shud not let her go. What u feel for her is deeper than a surface level kind of fancy. This is the kind of love you fight for. The kind that will stay with u for the rest of ur life. So if I were u, I will make the effort to get the girl. It doesn't come really often this thing and once u miss it, u miss it.'

I sincerely hope that my friend, if he truly loves this girl, goes after her. After all, he's very dear to me and I'd like to see him be happy with the woman he loves.

When it comes to love, I'm unapologetically simple-minded. I do or I don't, it is what it is. To me, it's a straight-forward, unbridled feeling. However, I believe that there are many facets to true love that we can never truly understand. 

Love in its rawest form is a feeling that encompasses all other feelings. It's a paradox of simple and complex emotions. It's something that can't dwindle over time, whether you're with the person or without. It's something that will not go away even if you try. It's irresistible. It doesn't recognise wrong and right because everything about it makes sense. It's the kind of love you have for your child. Everlasting.

Love like this can hurt and can also heal. It's not fragile, and that's the most beautiful thing about it. It allows space and time and it can't be forced. However, it can be destroyed by the two people that are in it, even if they're soul-mates. The thing that I think can really drive people apart is ego, miscommunication, and lack of effort. 

Imagine two people who love each other but each is not willing to go the extra mile to show that love,  for fear that it might hurt them, it will eventually cause a rift between the two people. It's also the reason why two people who love each other end up separately but still want each other. I think it's a waste, to be honest. 

I must also say though, love is not about merging and becoming twins. It's not about losing your dignity, self-respect, and freedom of thought and to be you. Rather I think when you truly love a person, you want them to be happy doing their own things and you want them to grow. People often mistake loving with latching. 

Latching leeches the life out of you. I know the difference, I've felt it before. In fact, when I was with my ex-husband this morning. I was driving, he was texting beside me. We were silent but it was not the kind of silence you enjoy with one another, it was a bleak silence of not knowing what to say to one another. So I asked him jokingly whether he knows why our marriage will never work out? He asked me why and I said 'This.' He smiled in agreement. 

When you love, you will fight to retain that love in your heart even if it hurts. You do it because you don't want to lose that feeling and that person. Now how you fight, that depends entirely up to an individual for every person is different; some do it privately while some openly. I belong to the former category. But ultimately, this is the kind of feeling that lives and flourishes despite the circumstances you're in, this is what I shall henceforth call a forevermore.

Still The Most Stubborn Woman,

SFK

P.S. My opinions are solely mine. I've never written to please people and I try to be as transparent as I can when I write. Cheers!