The Opposite Of Useful

It's been more than a month since I wrote anything here. I've been contemplating on taking this blog public. I have so many things to share and yet the words just won't form itself in my mind. Tonight, however, I'm feeling rather inspired. I can't say what drove me to turn on my lappy at such an ungodly hour but it's safe to say that I'm certainly not sleep-walking or in this case, sleep-typing.

See, the reason why I'm here, writing all of this down is simply that I've been feeling rather useless. Dislocated. Lonely. It's like I'm watching this person who's doing what others are doing, and I don't recognise her. Why is she doing that? What's the purpose of it all?

In case you haven't already noticed, there has been a virus outbreak that's now plaguing the whole world. Many countries, including Malaysia, have imposed a temporary lockdown on its citizens. For many people, this comes as a new experience - having to stay at home and whatnot. For me, it's new too albeit a welcoming one (not the virus but the experience of having no choice but to stay put).

I've been somewhat of a reclusive these past few weeks. Keeping to myself a lot and only socialising when needed. The reason being is I really am quite tired of human interaction. Only thing I don't like is my use of social media has increased a tenfold. Resistance seems futile on some days, and it bothers me. It just bothers me. Ah.. fuck. I wanted to say something and now I've forgotten what I wanted to say.

Anyway, my point is, I wonder during this time - what can I do? How can I be useful? I run errands for my family. I'm like my parents' personal assistant now. I'm grateful to be of service to them but I also feel that I can do more than just being of service to my family. The question is how and what?

Feeling useless,

SFK