A Blunt Observation From A Practical Feminist

Over the past few weeks, I've read dozens of articles with different points-of-view on feminism. The one that intrigues me the most though comes from the founding mother of modern feminism: Mary Wollstonecraft.

For those of you who aren't familiar with Wollstonecraft's literary works, she became well-known as a political writer during the French Revolution where she championed the cause and wrote a rebuttal letter titled 'Vindication Of The Rights Of Men' to a Sir Edmund Burke. In it, she championed the rights of the people of France to seek freedom from their oppressors - the French government. She even went so far as to defend the women who drove Marie Antoinette (the let-them-eat-cake lady) and her family from their refuge.

Mary Wollstonecraft in 1790–91, by John Opie 
(Picture source: Wikipedia)

What I really admire about Wollstonecraft is her bravery in confronting the main issue that plagues the majority of Europe's female population; a lack of education and the refusal of the male population (particularly the nobles) to educate girls beyond the subjects of etiquette and social skills. It makes one think and compare how Wollstonecraft's fight for women's rights is similarly scary to that of feminists in our modern world.

No doubt women living in developed countries are progressing very well. The majority of us are well-educated or have been to school in our lifetime -  no matter the level of education. Most of us can read, write and count. But, is that enough? Is education the only benchmark that we set for ourselves? I, for one, don't think so.

Despite being very high-educated, many women are still backdated in their minds and thoughts on a woman's role in this world. Mind you, I say this not to criticise but to point out an issue that I think has remained dormant for a very long time. The issue I'm referring to specifically is the loss of individuality and the birth of co-dependency after marriage.

I agree marriage is all about mutual respect, sharing, caring for one another, being there for each other - but that, in no way, means that a woman has to let go of who she is to cater to her husband. Sentences like "My husband doesn't like me wearing this" or "I want to do this but my husband doesn't want me to" are very often heard coming out of the mouths of married women.

Why, oh, why my beloved chalices would we put our lives and wants in the hands of a man? I mean we can put our 'wants' in his hands when we want to but why would we let them decide for us? In the end, we are the ones that are bound to feel dissatisfied for not going after what we want, no? Our husbands' will move on but we won't because whether we see it or not, our heart's desires won't go away while on the other hand, the matter will be resolutely resolved in our dear husband's mind.

I strongly believe that a happy wife makes a happy husband and then, a happy marriage. I wasn't particularly happy in mine but I was not sad either. I lead a stable and comfortable life, materialistically speaking. I have beautiful children and had a husband who tried to make me happy in his own way. From the outside, it looked perfect. Only if people could have seen the cracks in the walls, they would certainly be shocked and if the truth is to be told, I was miserable towards the end and I share fair blame in this.

Co-dependency is pretty normal after marriages. It has always been 'the way'; the women deal with matters at home and the husbands are the breadwinners. I don't' see any problem with this arrangement but I have my concerns, not with the arrangement, but rather with the mental health of women who are expected to keep a clean house, raise intelligent kids, cook delicious foods and then at night, be like a mistress in bed. Should they fail at any one of these tasks, the repercussions will be severe in the form of chastisement from close family members and emotional abandonment by their own husbands.

Wives at home are more prone to mental illnesses like depression and anxiety. This can be caused by multiple reasons like physical and mental exertion but in many cases, it's this sense of insecurity that's the result of not being able to fend for yourself financially.

Let's be realistic about this. Many women are left in the dirt after a divorce happens. They are left to pick up the pieces of their lives while managing their children, some alone and others with the help of family members. But emotionally and physically, they are pushed beyond a normal human's capacity to rise back up and continue living. This, my ladies, is why fully co-depending on a man emotionally, physically, mentally and financially is an unhealthy idea for any woman. I think every woman should strive to make something of herself besides being a mother and wife. If you can't earn, then learn something that will come in handy but we should all continually strive to progress and I'm not just saying this as a woman but a human being.

This is in no way to say that marriage will take away a woman's independence. No. I've seen beautiful marriages that flourished and continues to because the wife managed to retain her individuality and is happy with herself. This article is written mainly to highlight the main issues that I think, if tackled, can make many women very happy and lead a very fulfilling life. Don't make the mistake I made. Learn from it.

Remember; the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world and that's the hand of a woman.

Rise, Women. Rise.

Love,

SFK