Here Comes The Kraken

 

Decided to get down to this today because I've been postponing for oh-so-long. But first, welcome to 2021. If I could fast forward the year, I would. We started with an MCO, and it's probably going to be extended for a few more months. No matter how I feel about canceling my holiday plans, I've decided to look on the brighter side. 

This MCO will give me the chance to actually spend some time upgrading my new home! Yeap, you heard it right. I finally moved out of my Dad's after 1 year and a half. Living on your own has its perks and cons. The perks - you make your own rules, you decide what's best for yourself and your family. The cons - you pay your own damn bills 😆😆. However, I'm not complaining. 2020 was the year of change for me, 2021 is the year to move forward. 

Talking about change. I didn't just change my house. I changed internally as well. 

Last year on the 21st of October, I was rushed to the hospital by my Dad. Turned out I had internal bleeding and if we had reached the hospital an hour later, it would have been too late according to the Doctor. I went through a major operation that night; lost 3 liters of blood and came out with another battle scar that took at least 2 months to heal. It really hit me then how fleeting life is. The incident really affected my kids and my Dad. They witnessed the whole thing - I was screaming in pain and was begging my Dad to help me.

Sometimes it takes something like this to make you appreciate what you have in front of you even more. 

I'm scarred, yes, but God I'm grateful. 

Last year I also lost my Tokba. He breathed his last peacefully while resting in bed. I grew up with him by my side. I remember he used to ask me to read the signboards when we used to travel to and from Penang, and he would swell up in pride when I read correctly. So many good memories that I will never forget. Goodbye, Tokba. 

Sometimes I can't help but feel numb after everything that has happened and then, I'm reminded of the love that surrounds me and it's a source of warmth for me. Most of the time though I put up a facade that I'm just as I was before, unaffected by all the things that have befallen me just so I can avoid questions coming from people who are concerned about me. Such is my way of dealing with trauma I guess.

I can say that I'm happier today than I was at the start of last year and that in itself is an improvement. I have a partner who's very understanding of my inner conflicts. Someone whom I can actually tell things as it is without the fluff. As all couples are, we have our misunderstandings too but we make it a point to give each other time to cool down. 

To more sunsets together

I honestly have never met someone with who I have so much symmetry. There's a level of respect in which I've never experienced before in a relationship, and this is especially for each other's space and privacy. It's comforting to know that we share the same ideals on many important things in life. 

We took our time to get to know each other, took our time to express how we truly feel for each other, and somehow, I find that beautiful.

Until later. 

Still the Most Stubborn Woman,

SFK